An Attempt to Eff the Ineffable - Transcript of “Knock, knock. Who’s There? Benedict Cumberbatch.” from BBC comedy sketch show “Lewis Macleod is Not Himself ” S1E01  (x)

It does a great job with imitating Benedict’s and Martin’s voice and delivery - and its observations are hilariously absurd yet not untrue at the same time. 

“Ricky Gervais” [as David Brent] : Morning, Tim! Morning, Tim. Timbola. Tim Timmery Tim Timmery Tim Tim Teree! What are you doing?

“Martin”: Oh, er, you know, I’m just, you know, er … gazing despairingly at the camera like a perplexed hamster, as is my duty as the put-upon everyman character.

“Ricky Gervais” [as David Brent]: Well, well, you know, just to whisper in your shell-like [?] *laughs raucously* - the new guy starts today. I said you could show him the ropes.

“Martin”: Fine, er … when’s he coming?

“Benedict”: [Sherlock voice] I’ve been observing you from the reception area for the last half an hour. That is to say, I’m already here. Don’t feel bad for not noticing me sooner. When I stand very still and don’t speak, I can easily be mistaken for an incredibly ornate and attractive hat stand. The kind you find in an antique shop that doesn’t have any price tags. Don’t touch - you can’t afford. Hello.

“Martin”: Good … er … yeah, good gracious. Erm, what are you?

“Benedict”: My name is long and ridiculous, like my face. They call me Benedict Cumberbatch.

*fairy tale harp chords* [medieval choral chant] Ben-ne-dict Cum-ber-baaatch!

“Benedict”: Don’t worry, that always happens.

“Martin”: Uh, OK, right, yeah. Um, OK, well, so, let’s give you the tour. Well, we’ve got, you know, the photocopier here …

“Benedict”: Pish, posh, and Duchy biscuits. You don’t think I actually care about your tedious office, do you?

“Martin”: Well, no, but I sort of imagined you’re here because -

“Benedict”: Oh, you beautifully obtuse little turnip of a man. I’m here because after Sherlock and the Hobbit, I’m now contractually obliged to appear in everything you ever do, shall do, have done, have so much as considered doing – don’t you understand, we go together like bangers and mash, like cream tea and scones, like a put-upon everyman character actor and a big posh flamboyant manic pixie dream boy with cheekbones you could balance a BAFTA on.

Is it a man? Is it several hyper-intelligent cats sitting on one another’s shoulders wearing a latex man-suit? Or is it an incredibly sexy horse that’s learned to walk on its hind legs and talk very very very fast?

“Martin”: Um … sorry, could you repeat all that please?

“Benedict”: No time, get down with me beneath this desk.

“Martin”: Why? Is there someone going to try to kill us or something? Or …

“Benedict”: [dramatic low voice] No, we just need to get uncomfortably close to one other and gaze homoerotically into each other’s eyes. Can you feel the tension? Can you? Can you … do you want to give me a little kiss? Oh you mustn’t - I’m an alabaster Adonis, don’t touch me!

“Martin”:  Um, yeah, OK.  Erm, bit weird, er … but still, less annoying than that Gervais guy. Erm, look, erm … how much longer is this going to go on for?

“Benedict”: For the rest of your life.

“Martin”:  What?

“Benedict”: Now, if you don’t mind, I have to exit dramatically through a window or something, for no reason other than it looks fantastic. Goodbye for now, put-upon everyman character actor. Remember my name.

“Martin”: *sighs* Ahhhh - I’ll never forget you, Bumblebee Cuttlefish! 

Many thanks and loaded gazes to Fuck Yeah Freebatchanindoorkitty, and mums-the-nerd for identifying “David Brent” at the start, fixing the ‘Tim’ riff, and “beneath the desk”.

2nd sketch here “Fargo … and a moose called Benedict”

3rd sketch here ”A Complimentary Cocktail”


When Ben got interviewed by kids… [x]



Benedict Cumberbatch in British GQ magazine-Actor of the Year



Okay, guys, we’re doing this.

If you’re in for any amount to send a huge bouquet of congratulatory flowers to Mark, Steve, Sue, and all the rest of the team for the Emmys and just to show them tumblr loves them and isn’t cross, please reblog this and also message me. I’ll send you my PayPal information. Even if you just want to send a dollar or a pound or a euro, that’s cool. 

I’ll stop collecting money on Friday and send whatever we can afford at that point to the Hartswood Films office in Richmond. I will post what we send so that everyone has proof their money actually went to that. 

I just want Steve to know that we’re not all cross, and that we actually think he’s WONDERFUL.

Please tag this #Flowers for Moffat when you reblog. Thanks!!!!!! 

I’m tagging onthelosingside because it was her post that started this idea!


s1 sherlock: i’m a badass i’ll step on a dying man’s shoulder to get information i don’t give a FUCK

s3 sherlock: i’m a badass i’ll kill a man to protect the love of my life’s wife i- do give a fuck i give too many fucks i fucked up




I’m just saying…..


can we just

moffat wants to make tv history okay i’ll leave you to your deductions


like do they even know? i bet benedict was asleep and accidentally left his phone in the kitchen

I am Scottish. I can complain about things,  I can really complain about things now.

You have replaced every piece of yourself. Mechanic or organic. Time and time again. There’s not a trace of the original you left.

are you kidding me…